Together, yet apart
Around two years after Tom’s death, I had a special dream about him:
I am staying at an old house. This is in the evening. I go out to check outside for the night. I then notice that the light is on in one of the outbuildings, and the door stands open. I wonder, but go to turn off the light and close the door. Then I see a person in the doorway. He has his back to me, but he looks very much like Tom. I feel my pulse rising, and I hold my breath, both excited and scared. He then turns towards me, and it is him! I feel extremely happy, and I embrace him severely. He is so warm and good and kind, and we hold each other for quite a while. I suddenly discover that we are in the garden of my childhood home, but that does not surprise me at all. Tom sits down on the grass, and I stand right above him. His neck is long and thin, and the scars from his fire accident are clearly visible. I feel this very strong, loving connection between us. I tell him how much I miss him, and how sad I am that he is gone. He mumbles something, and I ask him what it is. He then says that he does not want to think too much about it, because it makes him miserable. I then take my chance and ask him : What are you doing nowadays, Tom? And this time I know that I am going to get an answer. He looks me straight in the eyes and says: I keep my mouth shut. Ok, so you keep your mouth shut, I say slowly, and we look at each other in silence. Then he slowly fades away and is gone. I let him disappear.
I’m crying now, but it was a good dream. Miss you, my son.
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